


The Logic of DiNozzo

by Ytteb



Category: NCIS
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 21:50:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6026497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ytteb/pseuds/Ytteb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony pays Gibbs a visit the night before he and the rest of the team turn their badges in. Gibbs is ... er ... surprised.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Logic of DiNozzo

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Season 10 finale 'Damned if you do'.

Gibbs looked around the wreck of his house and, for a moment at least, regretted leaving the tranquillity of his log cabin. He regretted it even more when he heard someone coming through the front door. He didn't bother to draw his weapon; only a friend would come through with so little hesitation and knowing that the door wouldn't be locked.

"Hey, Boss," came DiNozzo's determinedly cheerful voice.

"Here," said Gibbs before Tony went down to the basement on automatic pilot.

"Hey," said Tony again as he saw Gibbs in the kitchen.

"Hey," replied Gibbs, hoping DiNozzo would get to the point soon. On the other hand, this  _was_  Tony, he mused, so who knew how long this would go on for.

"Hey," began Tony again but, catching Gibbs' exasperation, he hastened on, "brought some take-out. Thought you might not want to cook."

"Thanks," said Gibbs. "You staying?"

"Er ..." Tony hesitated.

Gibbs sighed and got two plates and two sets of silver ware out.

"Staying," said Gibbs.

"Thanks, Boss," said Tony.

The two ate, but not exactly in a companionable silence. Something was clearly on DiNozzo's mind and Gibbs thought he could guess what it was. He could usually tell what his team was going to do and he thought he knew where their wish to protect him would lead. Later he would remind himself of the dangers of breaking rule 8 (never take anything for granted).

"Hey," said Tony, as he swallowed the last of his Kung Pao chicken.

Gibbs sighed, he was beginning to understand the irritation associated with being with people who only spoke in monosyllables. Tony caught the mood and tried again,

"So ..."

Gibbs glared.

"You know how I see patterns in things?" offered Tony.

Gibbs considered this unexpected question. It was true. DiNozzo was a good investigator because he made unlikely connections, intuitive leaps. He saw patterns where no-one else did. Gibbs nodded,

"Yeah."

Strangely, the words 'pot', 'kettle', 'black' did not occur to Tony.

"So, there's been a pattern over the last few days," said Tony.

Gibbs felt a stirring of hope. Perhaps he would not have to accept Tom Morrow's tortuous offer of a way out from the 'situation'. DiNozzo had found a solution.

"Yeah?" he said, in a more cheerful voice.

Tony gulped and seemed to be gathering his courage,

"I ... I ... I kissed McGee! In a totally manly, heterosexual way," he hastened to say, "on his head. Well, on the side, about here," he pointed to the position on his own head.

"Yeah?" said Gibbs, in a slightly less cheerful voice.

"And then I kissed Ziva! In a gesture of friendship. On the forehead," again he pointed to the position on his own head.

"Yeah?" said Gibbs in a slightly menacing voice which had undertones hinting at the dangers of breaking rule 12.

"So, like I said," breathed Tony, "it's a pattern ..."

"Yeah?"

"So ..." said Tony.

"So?" said Gibbs, by way of variety.

"And it might be a sign."

"Yeah?" Gibbs reverted to type.

Tony looked frantically round the room but seemed unable to speak.

"Yeah?" repeated Gibbs, and then, in exasperation was driven to more words, "sign of what?"

"Thatishouldkissyou!" the words came out in a rush.

"What?"

"That I should kiss you!" said Tony in a slightly calmer voice now that the ceiling hadn't fallen in when he'd said the words the first time, "In a totally manly, heterosexual way, of course," he went on hurriedly.

Gibbs thought. If he said 'no', DiNozzo might argue about the necessity of following the pattern; he might give examples of other 'manly, heterosexual kisses’ in a multitude of movies. It might take hours. On the other hand, if he said 'yes', it would all be over and Tony would probably run out of the house in embarrassment immediately afterwards.

"Where?" asked Gibbs.

Tony had clearly not expected this response.

"Where?" he repeated, "... er?"

"Where do you want to ... er ... do ... the kiss?" asked Gibbs.

"Well, here, I suppose," said Tony, "there isn't a pattern to where. Tim was in the squad room and Ziva was in the woods."

"No. Where on  _me_?" explained Gibbs.

"Oh," said Tony, now giving it some thought, "well, I guess on the side of the head. McGee was on one side, Ziva on the front. Yeah, to follow the pattern, it should be on the side. I mean, on the opposite side to where I kissed Tim."

"OK," said Gibbs as he straightened himself in the chair, "is sitting down OK?"

Tony nodded nervously and wiped his hands on his legs, stood up and walked round to the other side of the table. He leaned forward, silently cursed the DiNozzo 'pattern discernment' talent, put one hand on Gibbs head to draw it slightly nearer and pressed his lips into the Boss's hair. As he did so, he was suddenly grateful that he hadn't spotted the pattern earlier: as Gibbs had pointed out, there was no plumbing at the cabin and a manly, heterosexual kiss out in the woods might have brought with it more than a whiff of possum scat. As it was, there was just the usual Gibbs aroma of sawdust and Old Spice.

Tony realised that these thoughts had sent him into a dream and that he had been clasping Gibbs' head for a period longer than might have been thought polite. Although he didn't actually know what would be considered the normal period for a NCIS Senior Field Agent to embrace his boss. Tony pulled himself together and released Gibbs.

"Thanks, Boss."

Gibbs swallowed and nodded. Tony sat down, thinking it was probably not the 'done thing' to leave immediately after kissing one's supervisor. Gibbs was obviously also feeling a little unsettled and, for almost the first time in living memory, broke the silence,

"Anything else on your mind, DiNozzo?"

Tony thought about it for a moment, "No, not really, McGee, Ziva and me, we're thinking of turning our badges in tomorrow. But no, nothing important."

Gibbs was touched although this was what he had anticipated they would do. His world righted itself on its axis as he realised he could still predict the way they thought.

"Oh, God!" suddenly wailed Tony. He ran his hands through his hair and then buried his face in his hands, "Oh, God!"

Gibbs was stricken with guilt. He knew that the job was Tony's life. The enormity of giving it up had clearly now dawned on him. A look of almost-compassion flitted across his face,

"Tony ...," he said in a gentle voice, trying to think how he could give comfort.

"Oh, God!" said Tony. He lifted his face from his hands and gazed at Gibbs in horror, "Oh God, now I've got to kiss the Director too!"

 


End file.
